How to Find Your “X Factor” in YOU
X Factor: An indescribable quality or something; something about a person that you cannot put your finger on; je ne sais quoi
I don’t know what it is; she’s not that pretty, but has this x-factor which makes her very hot.
We hear people talk about how one person has that “X-Factor”. That special something. Something that is unquantifiable. It’s perhaps related to why Michael Jordan is still the best player ever to step on a basketball court, Tom Ford a world renowned clothing designer, or Julia Roberts an awe-inspiring movie star. I actually believe this “X-Factor” is more definable than people think it is. We ALL have an X-Factor. Most of us just for various reasons never connect to it. I want to try to help you find elements of yours.
A core key to finding your X-Factor starts with looking at what I call the Learning vs. Doing Principle. Yes, I created this. There’s a lot of talk today about how important self-help books are. Reading. Learning. Undoubtedly this is vehemently true. However, if you step back and look at it, there’s another crowd who talks about doing and action being more important than reading, learning, acquiring knowledge, building character, finding ourselves, and making our way in the world. The fact of the matter is, there’s only so many hours in the day. We only have so much time we can spend learning things vs. going out in the world and making things happen from our own internal place. How on earth do you balance the two? I’m going to tell you a secret. Those who balance the two in a specific way, have that “unquantifiable” X-Factor. It’s this area where the collision happens. An explosion of sorts between learning and doing that reveals the X Factor. But both have to be in balance and consistently rubbing up against one another.
This is a realm. A secret space. We like to all talk about, theorize, write books, columns, articles etc on these two topics but hardly anyone sits back and says maybe just maybe true progress and creativity is born when the two collide. So let’s take a look. Best selling Author and Entrepreneur James Altucher has this theory about “idea sex” which I wrote about in a recent column “The Rise of the Neo-Generalist”
On his website he writes:
All of life is about connecting the dots. This is not a poetic metaphor. Since the Big Bang that created the universe, every piece of matter is the result of atoms combining and creating something new. Life on Earth is about organic molecules combining and creating something new. Societies are formed when people connect to form babies, when groups of people connect to form tribes, when tribes connect to form cities, or countries, and so on. Any achievement in science is the connection of all the achievements before it. As evidence, look at any patent and see all the prior patents it refers to. Any achievement in art is the accumulated knowledge and experience of all the artists and musicians and even scientists and philosophers, as well as personal experiences of the artist, that came before it.
Ok so we know this to be true…but let’s go a step further with it. A lot of brilliant minds discuss reading, learning, and acquiring knowledge. Many others discuss this aspect of DOING. “Idea Sex” while a truly profound discovery more importantly than being used to describe mixing ideas to form new ones, should be used to describe HOW exactly we do that. How do we mix the two ideas? That’s the biggest secret of them all. You know the old principle of rubbing two sticks together to start a fire? Wilderness survival technique. My theory is that those who mix what they are learning with what they are doing start a fire in a very specific space, and in turn suddenly that space reveals to the world their “X Factor”. And it’s overall my belief that The X Factor is simply using “Idea Sex” to manifest one’s own creative endeavors as time passes. In all of my own reading, watching, and learning the closest I’ve seen anyone come to really nailing my theory of the learning colliding with doing “space” was a video from rapper Ice-T. Yes, this was definitely a “light bulb moment”.
So Ice-T is discussing this collision in regards to “Risks”. Ok we’re on to something. The ability to take risks is Tool #1 for finding your X Factor. Put it on the wall or in your tool shed.
- TAKE RISKS.
While we are watching fun videos, might as well watch another one. One of my favorite scenes in the infamous Fight Club is the Tyler Durden scene in the convenience store parking lot.
Rather dark no? But there’s a lesson here. It’s about motivation and taking RISKS. Being the best you can be. Not settling. Tyler actually was guiding Raymond towards a better life. People who connect with their X Factor are fearless. It’s the secret sauce for staying in the Learning / Doing space. This stuff is life and death to risk takers. You just heard Ice-T talk about it. You have to want it so badly that you are willing to die for it. What is stopping you from the living the life you want?
“This is what I believe and I’m willing to die for it…Period. It’s really that simple. I know who I am. I know what I believe. And that’s all I need to know. So from there, you do what you need to do…We didn’t grow up with the sense that where we were was where we were gonna be. We grew up with the sense that where we were almost didn’t matter because we were becoming something greater.”
~ Will Smith
Now I just explained the importance of taking risks, however, don’t forget that this about the world of learning and acquiring knowledge mixing with the world of actually doing. That space is your “X Factor”. I was merely shedding light on a tool to help you find that space. You must keep learning, reading, acquiring knowledge, and honing your skills. And you must keep physically doing within the realms of the world. Acclaimed entrepreneur, author, and speaker Gary Vaynerchuk had a column a while back about how “documenting” is more important than “creating”. He writes:
I’ll give you the biggest tip when it comes to content creation: Document. Don’t create.
In very simple terms, “documenting” versus “creating” is what The Real World and the Kardashians is to Star Wars and Friends. And don’t get confused — just because you’re “documenting” doesn’t mean you’re not creating content. It’s just a version of creating that is predicated more on practicality instead of having to think of stories or fantasy — something that’s very hard for most people (including myself).
Think about it: you can ponder about the strategy behind every post and fabricate yourself into this “influential person”… or you can just be yourself.
My belief is that they are both important. Documenting and creating. Creating is an offspring of learning and self-discovery. Documenting is just a sub-category of doing. I‘m encouraging you to take Gary’s idea of documenting and mix it with everything you are learning about subjects that inspire you. And be fearless. It’s doing that which produces the magic. That’s where the X-Factor is hidden. Now stay with me here because this is important. You MUST be yourself. Always But being yourself does not mean you document to the world buying a Peppermint Mocha at Starbucks, posting it on Instagram, and thinking you’re suddenly a star because you got 74 Instagram Likes. Social Media Likes are about as valuable to finding your X Factor as gas station animal crackers. Stop focusing on likes and start focusing on your value.
My 8 Steps For Discovering Your X-Factor:
- Write down your goals
- Write down your interests
- Write down your passions
- Write down your skills / talents
- Start reading books, columns, etc. that teach you about all of the above
- Go out in the world and start doing and documenting
- Take Risks (Safe, lawful risks)
- Be yourself. Always.
Do this and the infamous “Millennial Social Media Likes” will suddenly show up by the truckload. Documenting yourself on Social Media does not lead to self discovery. It’s fun to do. It might look shiny and neat. But if there’s not something real behind it, it’s not going to manifest. Being yourself means asking yourself how can I create the most value? What is unique about me? How do you do this? You read and learn. Don’t worry about creating anything yet. Just follow the above list. The more you do this the more you’ll want to go document. If you just blindly start documenting, I promise you that’s not enough. It just leads to entitlement and an “I’m special” mantra that currently plagues our millennial 2017 social media make me famous lifestyle. Life and relationship coach Michael Fulmer also discusses this:
Most people I know love to consume. Whether it’s reading, listening to Podcasts, or watching TV.
Producing though? That’s the sticking point.
Consume, consume, consume.. sure.
But produce? Nah. Maybe tomorrow.. “I’m not feeling in the mood today.”
Thing is..
Producing is how we grow.
Producing, or taking an active role rather than a passive role leads to discovery. Some of which is self-discovery.
If you only spend your time taking in what’s going on around you, you miss what’s going on inside of you.
This brings me to the second tool. Keep doing what’s on the list above. And do them with determined ferocity.
2. Learn, read, be inspired, be passionate and THEN go out and DO and document.
The doing and the documenting are just room tone if there’s not depth behind them. So this is in a profound way, a dance. You have to be able to create a balance between learning about the world and who you are and going out and doing it. Then you document it. Throughout all of this you must stay true to you. Always be yourself. Do not try to be something you are not. Stop focusing on getting people to like your social media. Find your value and use it to your advantage. This is a whole bag of tricks I know but understand the two important things above and you’ll get there. So in this column I wanted to give you a simplified recipe. A special soup from what James Altucher, Ice-T, Tyler Durden, Gary Vaynerchuk, and Michael Fulmer utilize to help you connect to your X-Factor. Think of it like a car.
I’ll leave you with this. My X-Factor Car Formula.
Everyone’s X Factor car resides in the space of where self-discovery and learning meets productivity. The fuel for staying in this realm is to step out of your comfort zone and take risks. The oil is documenting ourselves throughout the process. And the driver is you. You are in the Driver’s Seat. Always.
That my friends is how your “X Factor” will manifest.
By Geoff Pilkington: You can connect with me on Instagram at geoffreypilkington, or listen to a recent podcast I was on discussing my theories on ADHD: http://www.seeinadhd.com/adhd-mind/.
source: Medium
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